I am pleased to announce that significant progress has been made in finding a replacement for our beverage cart girl Chastity, who suddenly and unexpectedly resigned her position almost two months ago. As most of you know, I've made finding her replacement not only my top off-season priority, but quite frankly my ONLY off-season priority.
I am prepared to announce that after countless hours of weeding through social media profiles, followed by FaceTime interviews, followed by in-person role-play sessions, I've narrowed my search down to a final four candidates.
1. Tiffany Timmons - Our first finalist is from nearby Independence, MO. Tiffany is an aspiring dental hygienist assistant who's latest job as a hostess at Cheddar's fell victim to downsizing. Her interests include tanning, social media and her new IPhone X. Her favorite golf memory was seeing the hacked selfies Tiger Woods took of himself and sent to Lindsey Vonn. A serial entrepreneur, Tiffany understands and appreciates that 18 handicaps in cargo shorts want more out of their beverage cart girl than 8 Keystone lights and a friendly smile. They want flirtation that borders on prostitution. In one of our early interviews, Tiffany asked me how many of our members "liked to party". That type of go-getter attitude vaulted her in to my final four and I continue to expect great things from her throughout the remainder of this process.
2. Celeste Kane - Our second finalist hails from Lawrence, KS and is currently unemployed. Celeste finds herself currently living with her 'MeMaw' because her parents didn't approve of her life-style choices. She enjoys vaping, watching MMA fights and doing anything that makes a quick buck. Celeste is currently outfitted with a court mandated ankle bracelet due to a rash of bogus shoplifting charges. Although she couldn't name any current PGA Tour players, she did tell me the guy who won the Masters last year seemed like a complete d*ck. Although overall very liberal, Celeste agrees with me that the #MeToo Movement has gotten completely out of control.
Overall, I find Celeste to be a project. She has tons of raw ability but may take a season or two to develop. She's what we in the business call someone with a high ceiling. Lots of upside, but with significant bust potential. I'm looking forward to spending more time with her throughout the decision making process.
3. Anastasia Adams -If there was such a thing as a 5-Star beverage cart girl prospect, this is it. Anastasia has all the tools. The question is can she put them all together to become a complete player? Ana recently returned to Kansas City after working the last 2 years in Las Vegas as a private contractor in the 'late night' hospitality industry. She's hoping to re-establish roots here by finding a job that, in her words, has "consistent contact with married men and deals in large sums of cash with minimal to no oversight". A perfect description of this position! Although Anastasia's knowledge of golf is somewhat limited, she makes up for it by refusing to ever wear skorts. I hesitate to call her the favorite, but I really find Ana to be a strong candidate.
4. Shawn Rankin -As a favor to his sister, my General Manager Chip Kennedy has required me to interview Shawn, his out-of-work nephew for this position. Other than being male and looking like someone who might bring an AR-15 to our Friday Night Couples Shamble, I'm sure he's a great candidate. Rest assured, I will pick the range with my ass cheeks before I hire Shawn to be our next beverage cart girl.
Now that the finalists have been selected, I urge everyone to leave a comment on which of the three candidates you prefer. I am now entering the 'extreme vetting' stage and hope to have the final selection made by early to mid-March. I want to thank everyone for their patience and understanding during this time.