Club Newsletter - FALL

October 03, 2022



Chats with Chip!

Can you feel it?

Autumn is in the air!

I LOVE this time of year. Yesterday I took a moment to briefly remove my mask and could almost smell the promise of a new season! I even splurged and ordered a Pumpkin Spiced Latte while meeting with my life coach (Gary) at Starbucks this morning. I just couldn’t help myself!

Fall is also my favorite time of year here at the club. Despite the 22 corporate outings we have scheduled that will essentially shut down the golf course to all of our dues paying members, we still have several events for you to enjoy. Such as the semi-annual “Divot Filling” party as well a new event we like to call the "Goose Poop Roundup". Bring out the whole family and enjoy games such as "Can You Tell the Goose from the Gander"? As well as "What's Eating That Goose"? 

After golf be sure to stop by the "19th hole" for our monthly food and drink specials. October’s offerings will be somewhat limited due to the unfortunate outbreak of Scombrotoxin that was traced back to the spicy fish chowder that was served on Labor Day, but as always, Chef Mike will be standing by to nuke his signature pizza poppers after a long day on the links.

*Please remember: Any member that contracted Scombrotoxin and required an overnight hospital stay will receive a full credit on their meal, excluding tax and tip. In the future, we will move the annual carp-kill back from August to March to take advantage of cooler water temperatures. As a further precaution, there will be no fishing allowed in the fertilizer pond behind the fourth green.

On the membership front, we are beginning to see an alarming number of resignations. To make up for this unexpected loss in revenue, we have been forced to raise dues substantially for those members who have decided to stick it out. So expect to see a 45% increase on your next bill retroactive to August. As an incentive, New Member Referral Shop Credits will be doubled through year end for select merchandise or “like kind” lost and found equipment and apparel.

Enjoy this wonderful Fall weather and as always….”We’ll see ya at the club!”

Now a word from our head golf professional.

View from the Pro Shop with Club Pro Guy - 

The only reason I kinda like Fall is because it means Winter is almost here. Which is the time of year when I can totally sit on my ass. Between the construction setbacks at Three Jack National coupled with my disastrous Tuesday Night Welcome League Season, it’s been a tough Summer. My main focus this Fall will be betting on football. So don’t meander in to the shop and want to “talk golf”, because I’m pretty much checked out.

Now here's Darrel

The Bevins Report

Last evening my deputy Carl Brubaker came over to my apartment to play Risk and watch Youtube blooper videos of Joe Biden looking dazed and confused.

We had a lot of good laughs!

After about 16 Coors Banquet Beers, Carl talked about how rewarding it is to work here at the club. And I agree. However, the month of October is serious business for course marshals because Halloween is a holiday where we see an uptick in vandalism from some of the youths in the neighborhood.

Not on our watch!

With club security as our top priority, Carl and I will be employing a proprietary system we developed known as D.R.E.A.D. that has 5 key components to ensure club safety.

  • Detaining Known Offenders BEFORE an Act Occurs
  • Racial Profiling
  • Enhanced Interrogation Techniques
  • Aggressive Stop and Frisk
  • Deportation

This system will hopefully prevent any tomfoolery from neighborhood kids this Halloween. Just because our country is going to hell doesn’t mean we can't do our part to keep this golf course safe from vandalism!

On a completely unrelated topic. If any person comes to you saying they are from the FBI and asks about the whereabouts of myself or Carl on January 6th, 2021 DO NOT tell them we were in Washington DC. Instead, just say something like….”Yeah, I think I remember seeing them on the course that day”. Keep it vague, that way you won’t be in any legal jeopardy yourself for lying. Thank you.

Now let’s check in with our Head Greenskeeper, Miguel Vega

Minutes With Miguel

Course ok I guess. Traveling goose come to course and he make big problem. Stinky merida cover green. then feather clog equipment and no can cut grass till fly south. I try to shoot but miss. Need more gun and many dog. green so good before honk-honk

now talk to beverage cart girl Anastasia

Answers with Anastasia

OK, so I did an informal poll of a bunch of my fav members about whether I should get a breast reduction and you guys said “NO WAY” haha! Thank you so much for helping me make my decision easier!

As the golf season draws to a close I want to thank all the members who have honored my request to pay for your F&B purchases with cash. It’s a total bummer when you guys charge purchases to your member number because it makes it tougher for me to “rob the till”. So thank you from the bottom of my heart. The extra money will allow me to spend more time in Cabo this winter with my boyfriend Derrick as he continues to pursue his Instagram career.

xoxo - Ana

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