Which Tee Box Is Right For You?

There’s been a lot of griping in the world of golf lately about which tees everyone should play from. For some it’s about pace of play and for others it’s all about making the course “fun” and playable for everyone. For me it’s simple, there are three tee boxes for three types of golfers.

First of all, tees should be red, white, and blue. I don’t know how various golf courses continue to screw this one up! There’s nothing more annoying than when a golf course gets cute with the colors or has some bullshit naming gimmick attached to them.

I have no idea what the “Sorenstam” tees are, or the “Screaming Eagle” tees, or the “Ian Baker Finch” tees.

I once played a course in Arizona where the starter asked me if I wanted to take on the “maroon” tees today? I said, “what are the maroon tees?” He said, “you know...the Stan Utley tees.” How the fuck am I supposed to know? Stan had a pretty unremarkable career, so does that mean they are the middle tees? Or did Stan design the course and they think they have to kiss his ass by making them the super-far-back championship tees? Jesus Christ, people! Let’s just keep it simple with red, white, and blue.

Now that I’ve cleared that up the rest is easy.

Ladies, the red tees are for you. Full stop. No, I’m not going to call them the “forward” tees or the “up” tees in a lame effort to be politically correct. I’ve been in the golf business for over 30 years and I can’t remember one instance where a female didn’t play the ladies’ tees. If Natalie Gulbis ever visits your club and wants to play the “Emerald Tees” or the “Jerry Kelly” tees that’s fine with me, but I don’t think a rare instance like that merits a universal name change. And no, I’m not being sexist, ladies’ tees are about reserving a place for women in the game by giving them their own piece of real estate.

The blue tees are for professionals. We’ve earned it. Speaking as someone who routinely plays the “tips,” there’s no better feeling than leaving the rest of the group behind and walking to the back box. I love the thought of players from several fairways over seeing me standing alone, getting ready to take on a 500-yard, plus par-5.

The white tees are for that rag-tag group of everyone who happens to be left over. High-handicaps, juniors, seniors, hacks, you name it.

So to recap:

Are you a female? Red tees.
Does your profession REQUIRE you to wear pants in order to play golf? Blue tees. Everyone else, white tees.

(The excerpt above is from my best selling book: CPG's Other Black Book, Lessons from a Lifetime of Punching Out Sideways. Available at clubproguy.com)