Last season there was a ton of Fake News out there about the results from Thursday Night Men’s League. So until further notice, do not trust any reports that don’t come directly from me. While I don’t care enough to recap everybody's round, here is a quick summary of the players I think will end up being contenders for the league title.
CPG v. Edna Frank – If you saw my post round presser, you know that while Edna was getting a cotton swab up her nose in the range ball shed, I went out and let my clubs do the talking. I’m now in the top spot in the league where I expected to be. I realize we’re only 3 weeks in but my game really feels like it’s coming around and I think this may be a sign of things to come. This dog’s gonna eat.
TJ Kirk v. Jerry Brownlow – This was an epic showdown of two evenly matched players in that they enabled each other’s drinking and weed problems. The only winner was the club’s alcohol sales. The final tally: zero legible scorecards turned in, three golf clubs lost on the course, one beer-soaked Bluetooth speaker and a total of 23 Bud heavy cans left in the back of their cart.
Kyle Cupcheck v. Gil Dareberry – Some serious gamesmanship in this match as Cupcheck demanded that Gil remove all his headcovers before the round began so he could get an accurate club count. Turns out Gil had 17 clubs and had to run back to his car to put away his “back-up putter”, a 5th wedge and a Callaway Divine Nine fairway wood. Dareberry was winded af when he got back to the tee and never recovered. Cupcheck made five straight 6 net 5’s down the stretch to cruise to an easy victory.
Mitch Schnellengerger v. Harmony – Due to my reciprocal agreement with Bottoms Up Gentleman’s Club, I’ve agreed to trade a corporate golf membership for 8 free lap dances a month and Harmony has taken full advantage of the access. I have neither the time nor the space in this blog to put in to words the outfit she was wearing, but I will say the area from her C-section scar to the very top of her clitoris was fully visible at all times. Mitch seemed oblivious however. He came in and tried to give me a full, shot by shot recap of his round and hand to God, I don’t remember a single word he said.
Vikram Kothery v. Gwan Kung – Vikram Kothery’s offseason weight training/Covid 15 has turned him into a legit bomber, which remarkably, hasn’t cost him any accuracy. He dismantled the course hitting an impressive three of seven fairways en route to a blistering 40. Between his work ethic on the range and his analytical approach to the game…..this guy is starting to worry me.
Stan Perry v. L’Jarius Cotton III – After some mediocre play the first two weeks, Stan seems to be finding his game. A 43 (with a quad) tells me he's close. L’Jarius put the S7K Stand Alone Putter in play this week but his mid-range putting woes continued. With Stan’s resume, experience and pedigree and L’Jarius’s natural athleticism, both of these players are capable of catching fire at any time.
Trudy Wellington v. Dr. Morris Hannah – Trudy Wellington steamrolled the newest member of the club with a lethal combination of bunting the ball forward 145 yards at a time and getting up-up and down from EVERYWHERE. Quick note, last minute sign-up “Dr.” Morris Hannah is actually just a chiropractor. So before you go out there and suck up to him to get some free medical advice about your clicking-knee or some bump on your back, just remember that this guy’s a doctor like Dr. Pepper’s a neurosurgeon.