CPG's "View From the Golf Shop" - The season is officially in high gear and the club is buzzing with activity. I'd like to take this opportunity to welcome all 419 (and counting) new "Groupon" members to the club. Please take the time to introduce yourself if you get the opportunity and help make them feel welcome.
News and notes:
1. Tee time availability - Please note that our new '5-6-7' tee time policy will take effect April 1st. For those unfamiliar, full dues paying members can make tee times 5 days in advance, the general public 6 days in advance and all of our Groupon members can make tee times a full 7 days in advance. We feel this policy will encourage these non-paying dues members to experience easier access to the club with the hope they will become full dues paying members.
2. Merchandising - As many of you know, I'm now on Staff with STRATA Golf and am the official face of their 12-piece box sets. This is a big deal not only for me personally but also for the prestige it brings the club. Representing Strata also allows me the luxury of moving sets quickly and easily. Now when you come in the shop looking to get outfitted, there's no annoying need to discuss or try out the various brands of woods, irons, wedges and putter that may or may not fit your game best. I'm just gonna hand you a box and be done with it. It's time to stop the charade. You're an 18 handicap, there's not a club in the world that's going to make you noticeably better.
3. Calendar Update - Mark your calendars, we WILL NOT be hosting a corporate outing on May 7, 11 and 19, July 1st and the afternoon of August 23rd.
4. Masters Weekend - I like the Masters. I like to watch the Masters. What I DON'T like is to talk to the members about the Masters, especially during the Masters. Therefore, I will be in my office and completely unavailable on the afternoons of April 5th, 6th, 7th and 8th. Thanks in advance for your understanding.
5. Head Marshal Concerns - Many of you have come to me with concerns about our new head marshal Darrel Bevins. Even I will admit, the incident at last week's ladies guest day was enough to give me pause, but I think it's important that we give Darrel and his team time to implement his new policies and procedures. I think I speak for the entire membership when I say we wish Mrs. Holland's guest a speedy recovery, but I can assure you that's the last time she brings a Route 44 Iced Tea from Sonic on to the course.
Now, a message from our greenskeeper, Migel Vega.
- Migel Vega
Hola to member. Many happening at course. To be sure. El Presidente Trump no find my family yet. good no? Grass growing for sure no? We punch greens in 2015. so no punch this year or next. Or next after that. Temporary putting green no good. we make temporary putting green for the temporary putting green. Good yes? Bunkers full with much spring rain in them. Empty in July to be sure. Good for golfing! CPG want fast greens this year. Will mow Sunday AND Thursday now. New man Darrel Bevins scare me very much. He say "pay for wall pay for wall! Your family pay for wall!" . He fire gun at my feet and yell "dance Migel dance for me"! please help
- Darrel Bevins
"If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles". - Sun Tzu - The Art of War
To those who played a fivesome on my off day, to those who ignored the 90 degree rule on the front nine while I was patrolling the back nine, to those who put store bought beer in a club cooler hoping I wouldn't notice and got away with it, I salute you. But hear this, your days are numbered. This isn't a game, this is real life. Let this newsletter serve as your warning, I'll be upping my spot checks on the course. Going forward, expect small delays at random check points so I can conduct routine cart, bag and person searches.
One more thing, I swear to sweet baby Jesus himself the next person I see who's a "walker" but randomly stands on the back of a playing partners cart to hitch a ride to his ball is going to leave the property on a stretcher. Folks, you're either a rider or a walker, there's no in-between.
It's go time
- Charles "Chip" Kennedy
Spring has sprung members! Can I just stop for a moment to let you know how much I, your General Manager, appreciates you! It's such a joy to come to work every day and see people enjoying the club. Allow me to update you on the exciting things we have going.
1. Membership Board Election - Congratulations to Bill Lampkin and Missy Sherman for being elected to the 2018-19 membership board. Bill and Missy will attend monthly meetings at inconvenient times where important club topics will be discussed and debated. Although they may initially feel empowered, that feeling will be fleeting as they quickly find out that the meetings are a sham designed to make the membership think they have a voice, when in reality they have no ability whatsoever to affect change.
2. Fees Update - I want to thank you all again for absorbing the large dues increase we initiated on January 1st. We hope you all enjoyed the popcorn tin we distributed as a thank you. Unfortunately, the club is still running at a monthly deficit. In order to close this budget short fall, we have initiated an increased fees schedule for 2018 as follows.
I'll see you at the club!