Date: Wednesday, May 27th, 2020, 8:00 a.m. - 8:52 a.m.
Location: Staff Lounge
Chairperson: Chip Kennedy, General Manager
Club Pro Guy, Head Golf Pro
Darrell Bevins, Head Course Marshall
Miguel Vega, Head Groundskeeper
Anastasia Adams - Beverage Cart Attendant
Tristan Whiteside, Assistant Golf Pro
Ernesto Ortiz, Assistant Groundskeeper (Waiting for the Cable Guy at CPG's condo)
1. Review of previous minutes
Mr. Kennedy opened the meeting by thanking everyone in the group for working through these 'uncertain times'. He reminded everyone in attendance that since they are no longer meeting on "Zoom", all CDC guidelines must be strictly adhered to and wondered why he was the only one wearing a face covering. Darrel responded that Miguel doesn't need one because he has already had the virus and possesses the antibodies...and the rest of us aren't gigantic pussies.
2. MILF Masters Update
CPG updated the group on preparations for the club's upcoming premier ladies event of the year, The MILF Masters. He expects the virus to have little to no impact on the event and is hoping for a full field.
Due to some isolated complaints, 'playing ability' will now be added to the formula when determining how the event is flighted. So now instead of the "A" Flight being determined strictly by looks and the "B" flight being determined strictly by weight, a playing ability component will be added. The new formula is as follows.
1) Any participant who's body weight plus (+) playing index is 145 or less, will be in the "A" flight.
2) Any participant who's body weight plus (+) playing index is 146-190, will be in the "B" flight.
3) All "others" will be relegated to the "C" Flight and have limited access to shop credit prizes.
CPG also informed the group that he will be inviting a limited number of "Sponsors Exemptions" made up mainly of women he follows on Twitter and assured the group that they would mainly be "A" Flight players.
3. Security Update
Mr. Bevins opened his remarks by reminding the group that the original CDC fatality estimate for the United States was 2.2 million people and due to the leadership of Donald J. Trump, we are still under 100,000. He then gave each member in attendance a sample pack of Hydroxychloroquine and urged each of us to take it liberally.
Darrel then handed out a document that contained a list of members that he deemed "at risk" for contracting and spreading the virus and informed the group that these individuals will be forcibly quarantined if they are seen on property. The entire list consisted of the clubs only 6 Asian members and Betty Simmons.
Darrel closed his remarks on a light hearted note by taking out his phone and showing the group a video montage of Joe Biden making a series of verbal gaffes on YouTube.
4. Course Maintenance Update
Miguel once again thanked everyone for their support during his battle with Covid19 and said he is feeling stronger every day.
However, Miguel said he is struggling financially and is hoping for more hours after losing his job in the nursing home cafeteria due to his Corona diagnosis. He claims ever since his doctors labeled him a "super spreader", he has had a difficult time finding 3rd shift work in the nursing home industry.
CPG reminded Miguel that even though this is a challenging time financially, he is still responsible for the $2,600 that was raised for his funeral expenses while he was in the hospital and said it might be a good idea for him to focus a little more on turf conditions for the upcoming MILF Masters and a little less on personal finances.
Miguel apologized for bringing it up and said his wife Margarite might be able to get some hours on her Cousin Gerardo's roofing crew.
5. Closing Remarks
Mr. Kennedy closed the meeting by reminding us all that these are challenging times and we are all in this together. He then attempted to read a passage from Hillary Rodham Clinton's landmark book "It Takes a Village", but his words were extremely muffled and inaudible due to his surgical mask. After a couple sentences, the entire group got up and left the room.
6. Next Meeting
Wednesday, June 3rd, 8 a.m.