CPG Staff Meeting Minutes: January 29, 2020

January 29, 2020

Date: Wednesday, January 29, 2020, 8:00 a.m. - 8:52 a.m.

Location: Staff Lounge

Chairperson: Chip Kennedy, General Manager

In Attendance:
Club Pro Guy, Head Golf Pro
Miguel Vega, Head Groundskeeper
DeAndre Barnes, Snack Bar Head Cook
Anastasia Adams, Beverage Cart Attendant
Tristan Whiteside, Assistant Golf Pro

Ernesto Ortiz, Assistant Groundskeeper (Saving CPG a spot for Super Bowl Sunday at Buffalo Wild Wings)
Darrell Bevins (Attending the 'Winter’s Justice' Gun, Knife & Home Defense convention in Galveston, TX)

1. Review of previous minutes
Mr. Kennedy welcomed the staff back for their first staff meeting in several weeks and applauded their professionalism during what he called the club’s annual “maintenance mode” in which staff members are required to put in 10 hours of “sweat equity” each week around the club grounds. He remarked that the seafoam green accents on the baseboards are an excellent touch and align with the Florida Keys-chic aesthetic the club strives for. He also urged staff members to re-use as many Swiffer WetJet pads as possible due to the club’s maintenance budget being severely slashed during the offseason. He opened up the table for updates.

2. Spring Preparations
CPG took the opportunity to let the staff know that he and Miguel will begin preliminary de-winterization procedures beginning next month to avoid last year’s disastrous opening weekend. He has tasked Miguel with making sure that the temporary port-a-johns are routinely checked and are not at capacity. Last year, one particular stall was overtaken by yellowjackets and subsequently decommissioned by Dirty Ray's Bargain Port-A-Potty Rentals, which came at a significant cost to the club, over $250. In fact, in his annual departmental audit, CPG had discovered that the routine upkeep and continuous damage to the rented port-a-johns was costing the club thousands of dollars and a better solution has presented itself.

CPG has enacted cost-protection measures and has tasked Miguel with building three permanent outdoor restrooms on all port-a-john locations, which will undoubtedly raise eyebrows from certain county officials, but he anticipates the project will be approved quickly. He then turned the floor over to Miguel who laid out his plans for what CPG is calling “Operation: Dump Truck.”

Action: CPG

3. Operation: Dump Truck

Miguel told everyone not to worry, because he built his cousin Tito an outdoor toilet three summers ago and it still has not exploded. CPG said he believes something was lost in translation and reassured the staff that it was nothing to worry about. Miguel said there was no confusion, and that the sign of a good outdoor toilet is that it does not explode, to which the entire staff agreed with although Mr. Kennedy questioned the logic. The project was then approved, contingent upon proper septic measures are taken.

Action: Miguel, CPG, Jackson County Public Works Department

4. Course Maintenance Update
Miguel updated the staff on the current state of the course, and was nearly brought to tears as he told the staff that his favorite hole on the course “el Ocho” has taken on severe cosmetic and structural damage due to repeated use as a sledding hill during the snowstorm last weekend. CPG comforted Miguel as he searched for words, in both languages, to voice his frustration and disappointment with the neighborhood children who he called “fat, little gringos" as he slammed his fist on the table. Mr. Kennedy told Miguel he understands his disappointment but that name calling was not necessary or helpful. CPG interjected and echoed the sentiments of his hispanic friend, whom he called his brother, his “hermano”; agreeing that the children were in fact, generally overweight and total white trash.

CPG is scheduled to appear before the Misty Meadows HOA this coming Sunday evening and has encouraged all staff members to attend, stating “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”

Action: Vega

5. Personnel Updates
Ms. Adams let the staff know that since golf course traffic has been so slow this winter, she has taken multiple bartending shifts at PBR Big Sky in the Power & Light Entertainment District, thanks to her ex-boyfriend Derrick's ex-girlfriend, Autumn Lynn. She asked that all staff members do not ask for free drinks or cover and urged them to stay away from P&L entirely because her uniform now actually exposes her entire ass, instead of merely concealing it like her beverage cart attire.

5. Closing Remarks
Mr. Kennedy awkwardly began to wrap up the meeting as CPG continued to comfort an increasingly upset Mr. Vega, who was then escorted out of the room by CPG. Mr. Kennedy said he would not be around the club for the remainder of the week, as he is travelling to Florida for the Super Bowl. If there is an emergency, he can be reached at the Port St. Lucie Best Western.

6. Next Meeting
Wednesday, February 5, 8 a.m.

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