Date: Wednesday, October 23, 2019, 8:00 a.m. - 8:52 a.m.
Location: Staff Lounge
Chairperson: Chip Kennedy, General Manager
Darrell Bevins, Head Course Marshal
Club Pro Guy, Head Golf Pro
Miguel Vega, Head Groundskeeper
DeAndre Barnes, Snack Bar Head Cook
Tristan Whiteside, Assistant Club Pro
Ernesto Ortiz, Assistant Groundskeeper (Disassembling the club's Bowflex and moving it from the men's locker room to the concrete pad near the chipping green)
Anastasia Adams, Beverage Cart Attendant (Responded with “ugh” via text after being asked where she was)
1. Review of previous minutes
Mr. Kennedy let the group know that he is tremendously pleased with the outlook for this weekend's inaugural Teeing Off For Ta-Tas (TOFTT) event benefiting breast exam awareness initiatives.
Mr. Kennedy says he is now ready to begin planning the club’s holiday events. He reminded the staff that the club’s annual trick-or-treat bonanza will be taking place next week and asked everyone to have a costume decided on within the next few days. He turned it over to the staff for their updates.
2. TOFTT and Halloween
CPG thanked the attending staff for their efforts with TOFTT, saying the event should be one of the club’s finest during what he called, “The CPG Era.”
CPG then conducted a post mortem on last week's “Play 9 to Drop 10” mandatory 5K fun run. CPG lamented the poor attendance for the run and declared that in the future, the club might be better off hosting some type of voluntary nine-hole scramble instead of mandating female participation in a 5k run based solely on weight and body mass index (BMI). Mr. Kennedy agreed with this assessment but praised CPG's sudden interest in women's health initiatives.
CPG then told the group that for next week's Trick or Treat Bonanza he will be going dressed as Calvin Peete circa 1985 complete with Kangol hat, Bullseye putter and full blackface. He asked the group (specifically DeAndre) not to steal his costume idea explaining that having multiple Calvin Peete's at the same event would diminish the impact.
3. Autumn Maintenance Report
Mr. Vega asked staff members to not fall for “flaming bag” tricks. Several youths from the adjacent elementary school have been lighting bags of feces on fire around various parts of the golf course. Whether or not the feces is human has yet to be determined, but Mr. Bevins assured the staff that he has taken samples and submitted them to Quest Diagnostics for analysis.
Miggy also reminded the group that he has called for an all-club "Town Hall" meeting to take place this Thanksgiving Day at 2:00 PM.
This will be an opportunity for the entire membership to ask questions and/or make suggestions regarding the condition of the golf course. Anastasia has agreed to moderate the town hall and serve as a translator thanks in part to the 3 semesters of basic Spanish she took in high school.
This event will work hand in hand with Miguel's "All Talk, No Action" initiative that he implemented back in 2018.
Action: Vega, Ortiz
4. Operation “Diabetic Shock and Awe”
Mr. Bevins expressed concern about the club’s upcoming Trick-or-Treat Bonanza and chastised the staff for such a hastily thrown together event. When Mr. Kennedy informed Mr. Bevins that it is an annual event that requires limited resources from the club, Mr. Bevins scoffed, saying it undoubtedly attracts an “unsavory element” to the grounds each year.
Mr. Bevins asked that the trick-or-treating be limited to holes #1 and #9 and that he will be placing Czech hedgehogs and other various barricades on the cart path beyond the first green and will be carrying a low dosage tranquilizer gun with him on the evening of the event, as well as enacting a zero tolerance policy for masks, no matter the age of the participant, to ensure proper security parameters are maintained.
5. Halloween Goodie Bags
DeAndre informed the staff that he was approached by Mr. Bevins and felt uncomfortable with Darrel's suggestion to put an actual razor blade in a random brownie the club was baking for the kids Halloween goodie bags.
Darrel immediately defended himself by saying he wanted to show the children (as well as their parents) that razor blades in candy is not a myth or an urban legend and that it can actually happen in real life. Darrel claimed that a serious scare to one child today could prevent injuries to many other children tomorrow by raising razor blade awareness. Mr. Kennedy immediately rejected the proposal and thanked DeAndre for bringing it to the groups attention.
6. Closing remarks
The Chairperson closed the meeting by praising the creativity of the staff regarding the Halloween events, claiming that every child is a potential future member. He then stood and read aloud the lyrics from Whitney Houston's "Greatest Love of All" to remind us all how the children are our future.
6. Next meeting
Wednesday, October 30, 8 a.m.