Date: Wednesday, September 11, 2019, 8:00 a.m. - 8:52 a.m.
Location: Staff Lounge
Chairperson: Chip Kennedy, General Manager
Cha-Cha Banderos - Distinguished visitor
Ernesto Ortiz, Assistant Groundskeeper (Delivering promotional flyers door-to-door for CPG’s upcoming “short game university” group lesson series)
1. Review of previous minutes
Mr. Kennedy opened the meeting by welcoming back Mr. Bevins, who received thunderous applause from the staff after spending six days in the Jackson County jail for an illegal discharge of a weapon and armed criminal action charge stemming from his incident with former Groupon member, Betty Simmons at last weeks Thursday Night Men's League.
Mr. Bevins thanked the staff for their support and promised to remain vigilant in his duties, despite the monitoring bracelet on his ankle.
Darrel then slowly rose and read the following passage aloud which was scribbled on the back of his pocket sized edition of his U.S. Constitution....
"The tyrant is a child of pride who drinks from his sickening cup. Recklessness and vanity, until from his high crest headlong, he plummets to the dust of hope".
After an excruciatingly long and awkward silence, Mr. Kennedy turned to Ms. Adams and inquired if the beverage cart ever received the backordered supply of peanut M&M's.
2. Augusta National Lawsuit
CPG informed the staff that even though Mr. Bevins is now a free man, the club’s legal woes have only begun with the receipt of a cease and desist letter from Augusta National Golf Club in regards to CPG's Yucatan Masters apparel.
Along with support from Cha-Cha Banderos, the great-great grandson of the founder of Yucatan National Golf Club and Yucatan Masters Diego Bello Banderos, CPG announced he and Mr. Bevins will be launching a countersuit against Augusta National. A cease-and-desist letter drafted by Mr. Bevins with the assistance of Gary “The DUI Hawk” Bailey is forthcoming.
As Mr. Bevin's once again began to slowly rise and pull out his pocket constitution, CPG grabbed him by the arm and pulled him down.
Action: CPG and Bevins
3. Legal Plan of Action
With club management’s full attention dedicated to the upcoming legal battle with Augusta National, CPG has suspended all planning activities for the Member-Guest tournament and is working closely with Ms. Adam's close friend, and single mother, Chloe and her boutique startup PR firm, WaveMakerz, on an action plan to leverage local morning talk shows, drive time sports radio and local Instagram influencers on a image positivity campaign for the club in hopes of drumming up local support.
CPG notified the staff that fighting a legal battle of this magnitude will take significant human and financial capital, which is why he is willing to offer private lessons as trade to any person or business who can assist with the battle against Augusta. CPG also floated the idea of selling his coveted PAYCHEX visor signed by Jeff Sluman on EBAY in the hopes of deferring some of the legal costs but prays it doesn't come to that.
Action: CPG, Kennedy, Adams
4. Operation “el Sabotaje”
CPG then informed the staff that Mr. Vega has agreed to apply for a position on the maintenance staff at Augusta in the hopes of getting "inside" the organization. This would allow CPG and Darrel to get a clearer picture of the inner workings of the club.
Miguel sat next to CPG drawing on what looked like a map of Augusta National, outlining potential temporary green locations.
Mr. Kennedy declined when CPG asked if Miguel could use the club’s Southwest Rapid Rewards credit card to temporarily relocate his family of 14 to Georgia.
Action: CPG, Vega
5. Closing remarks
The Chairperson again reiterated the need for a more “all hands” mindset among the staff. The club is up against a legal juggernaut with the resources to wipe out one of the Midwest’s top mid-tier semi-private golf clubs.
Mr. Kennedy closed the meeting with the “two mice fell in a bucket of cream…” quote from Catch Me If You Can as those in attendance walked out of the room.
6. Next meeting
Wednesday, September 18, 8 a.m.