Memo To Loitering Members

To: "That Member"

From: Club Pros Everywhere

There's something you need to know.

When you walk in to the shop on a random Tuesday morning holding a cup of coffee, we all cringe.

Not only me, but my entire staff. 

We know you're not here to quickly check in and head to the first tee. We know you're not here to play golf at all. You're here for something much worse.....

You're here to "shoot the shit."

Oh, you try not to make it obvious. You start by moseying over to the club bulletin board to check the Glo-Ball League stats, then you might peruse a few apparel items on the 70% off rack and mutter how overpriced everything still is, but this is all theater.

The real reason for your visit begins as you saunter up to the counter and ask my assistant if he "saw the game last night". When he says no and pretends to work on the tee sheet, some people might get the signal. But you are undaunted. You take another sip of free coffee as you casually grab a Snake Eyes putter off the rack and take a few ghost strokes with it.

Then you meander in to my office, where my inability to close the door completely when I arrived this morning is a mistake I am about to pay dearly for.

Never mind that my back is to you and I'm working on my computer. You come right in and take a chair. Do I turn around? No. Do I acknowledge you? No. Does it phase you? No.

Listen, I know that you're retired. I get that your wife is overweight and horrible to be around. I know that you're bored. I get it. But that doesn't give you license to come in to my office during my workday and spend 40 minutes talking about how much you don't like LeBron, or how you think Trump might win California, or how your brother-in-law just got a set of PXG's.

NOBODY CARES about ANY of this. 

On behalf of my entire staff.

Please make it stop.